Amour: What is love?

One of the memories that still haunts me is when my family were moving my father into a hospice. My dad was barely recognisable at the time of the move. Gone was the strong and proud African I once knew and in his place a silent, frail and delicate man holding on to the last flickers of life.

Just when we were about to leave him in what I can still remember to be a pleasant but eerily place, my dad began to cry. I swear, nothing has made me sadder or more helpless in my life – not even the day when my mum rang to tell me and my sisters he had gone. I transferred all of my frustrations and anger to my mother – how could she leave him in such a place? Why couldn’t he be at home? Why couldn’t he die with his family around him? 

I had this anger weighing me down after my dad passed until my mum started telling me stories about the life she and my father had - the life I knew nothing about. How they met, how they courted in the strange way Africans do, the trials they faced once they were in the UK. I saw my mum trying to keep our grieving family together with every fibre of her being and began to realise what a remarkable woman she actually is.

I write all this because the film Amour reminded me of my parents and Jean-Louis Trintignant’s Georges made me realise what a child I was for blaming my mum during the latter stages of my dad’s life. Being a carer is a ridiculously difficult job.

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Amour is a film about an elderly couple, Georges and Emmanuelle Riva’s Anne. The latter has a stroke and it is up to Georges to look after his wife – especially after she makes him promise never to hospitalise her. The film chronicles the couple’s lives as Anne health worsens.

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Amour is a truly extraordinary film – for the first time in a long time I can say that I haven’t seen or experienced a film like this. It’s a harrowing film but extremely and utterly beautiful at the same time.

All my life I have been obsessed with Disney and the interpretation of love that they have helped to instil in the films of today. Watching Amour I realised the film was answering a question that I never realised needed answering – what happens after the happily-ever-after?

Watching Georges look after his wife is the purest and most striking representation of love that I have ever seen in a film. Usually cinema will give outlandish scenario’s where characters prove their love by committing criminal acts but, fuck, would the Prince push Cinderella to the toilet, lifted her on it, wiped her when she was done and pull her pants up? And Aladdin do the same everyday while watching Jasmin's soul slowly ebb away?

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Amour is a very difficult film to watch – so difficult that Mrs Bear couldn’t bear to finish it. “Why is this enjoyable? Why would you want to carry on watching?” All fair questions to ask. Why would you want to watch an elderly woman struggling to read a book? Why would you want to watch an elderly man struggling to feed his wife? You wouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop watching.

Every credit in the world has to go to the two main actors in this film. I never once felt like I was watching a film, rather that I was watching the intimate and very private moments of two people that loved each other deeply. Not much is said about the two main character’s history but somehow you seem to understand what they mean to each other and what they have gone through.

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I only saw a fraction of the stuff my mother did while dad was ill and never had the chance to glance at the really grim activities. This film made me understand a little better what my mother had to endure and, frankly, it made me proud that my mother held out sending him to a hospice for as long as she did. I now understand how it can be overwhelming to care for someone who has been your life for most of your life.

Happily-ever-after doesn’t end happily – Amour made me realise this. It always ends in sadness, one way or another. The only solace that I take from this new piece of information is that I want someone who will nurse me and love me, like Georges loved Anne, if times get pitch dark.

                           Lovely Bear

  

The Tragedy of Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy is a legend. That seems like a controversial statement to make nowadays, but it is true.  He is probably one of the most talented men in Hollywood and has films on his CV which are among some of my most beloved of all time. But something tragic happened to his career.

Speak to any soul that knows an ounce about black (African-American) comedy and they will let you know that Murphy sits upon a tall pedestal. Comedians speak of Eddie Murphy with the same reverence they give to Bill Cosby or, better yet, Richard Pryor – Murphy is truly of that stature.

But think of Murphy now and I’d bet a lot of money that the embarrassment that is Norbit or Scary Spice comes to your mind – not Raw or Delirious or Boomerang. That is a tragedy.  

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The reason why Eddie still deserves to be held in such high regard is simply because of what he achieved. He blazed the trail that allowed other great comedians to walk the path to to superstardom. I still haven’t forgotten the skinny (er) and goofy (er) Chappelle with his terrible hair cut telling terrible “you’re so fat” jokes in the Nutty Professor.

I personally haven’t seen any of his earlier Saturday Night Live Stuff, I only know Eddie Murphy through his film work and it wasn’t until Beverly Hills Cop that I really started to take notice. It may sound like an over-exaggeration but Axel Foley felt like the first black superhero to me.  I saw him do things and talk to (white) people in a way that I had never seen a ‘brother’ do before. And importantly he was funny, extremely funny but as well as that, he was strong – this felt important.

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And then there was Coming to America – a film which is so important to me that it would take more than just a blog to clarify. As an African kid in a stranger’s land, I could absolutely identify with Prince Akeem. The film left me in awe of the world it created to a point where I stupidly asked my father whether such a kingdom where beautiful servants woke you up in such a wonderful way existed.   

Coming to America is to me a classic and displays Murphy’s talent in the brightest of light. His many disguises add to the comedy and wonder of the film rather than distract from it like in his later exploits. The Randy Watson scene (damn it, the whole church scene) is a slice of joy. Clarence the Barber still raises a smile out of me.

Murphy also puts in a much understated performance as Prince Akeem. He plays the royal as a charismatic and dignified young man who is childlike in his excitement at being in an environment different to his extravagant home life.  Like all great leading men you believe in the premise of the story because of Eddie Murphy’s performance.

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I believe it all went wrong when Eddie made a conscious effort to stop making ‘edgy’ films and cater to the family audience instead. As much as I love(d) the Nutty Professor, I believe that film was the start of the ebbing out of Murphy’s creative talent. 

Unlike Coming to America, Eddie Murphy’s prosthetics didn’t add much to The Nutty Professor  – in fact they enabled him to tell lazy fat jokes and lean on ill thought out toilet humour. 

I have absolutely no issue with the film Shrek, I actually think Eddie Murphy is great in it but the following inferior sequels are lazy (there’s that word again). I am not naive enough to say that Eddie was wrong to make those films – they generated a donkey dung (sorry) full of money but I can’t help feeling that Murphy could have done more with his time. He could have pushed himself.

The majority of films that he has had top billing in after the Nutty Professor have been tragic (there’s that word again) save from a few surprises. Eddie was actually ok in Tower Heist but this could be me giving him a petty pass.

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I still believe that there is genius still left within Eddie Murphy. That genius has shown flashes of returning (Dreamgirls) but I am hoping that it makes a permanent reappearance in his future projects. Is the Beverly Hills Cop television show the right platform for his fight back? I don’t know, I have my doubts. I also shuddered when I read that Murphy was writing the Nutty Professor 3.

All I can hope for is for Eddie Murphy to be bold again – to be brave. Forget the family films, forget the fat suits – find that Eddie who wanted to push black comedy further than it has ever been before. There is a reason why Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Jamie Fox and Kevin Hart consider Eddie Murphy to be god like and hopefully the miraculous performances are not in his past.

                        Party Bear

Tom Cruise: The Great

While watching Oblivion, I found out some very interesting information from my other half. “Do you know that Tom Cruise made Katie Holmes have a baby in silence?” Truth is, I didn’t know that. I accepted my lady’s premise that, if true, this was cruel. Even if that was the case I failed, and still fail, to see why I should care and why that should influence my feelings on Oblivion.


For the record, Oblivion is a good film – not spectacular, just good. It’s a comfort blanket of a film. Nothing about the film is remotely surprising, whether it be negative or positive. Most importantly, Tom Cruise is his usual competent and reliable Hollywood superstar self. But the way my missus made it sound, that just isn’t enough anymore.

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In fact, it isn’t just the missus who has beef with Tom, have a look the public discussions about Mr Cruise for the past decade, I wager the majority of it has little to do with his on screen exploits and more to do with what religion he follows.

I get that people want to read about Tom’s big bad thugs spying on Katie or a woman who says she was auditioned to be his wife – all of this is sexy tabloid stuff and is to be expected when you have reached the status Cruise has. It no longer holds people’s attention to just be good at your job, they want something more interesting and Tom Cruise’s personal life is just that… apparently.

The press are doing to Tom Cruise exactly the same as what they did to Michael Jackson. They are trying to find the Wacko in Cruise and as soon as he got on top of that famous black lady’s sofa, they had their fodder.


It also doesn’t help that Cruise hasn’t had the greatest of film runs after that PDA moment – Lions for Lamb, Valkyrie, Knight and Day and Rock of Ages are beneath his talents. But putting these films to one side, Tom Cruise still has a stellar filmography post his jumping the Oprah shaped shark. World at War, Mission Impossible 3 and 4, Tropic Thunder, Jack Reacher and the aforementioned Oblivion are not slouch movies, but they don’t stretch Cruise’s acting muscles either. But, again, what is wrong with that? Hasn’t Tom Cruise earned his right to just be good instead of being great?


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It is actually shocking when you list the great films and performances Tom Cruise has under his belt. You almost have to double check to see whether you have it right or whether you are thinking about another actor.


This guy has Risky Business, Top Gun, Rain Man and Born on the Fourth of July on his CV. After this he goes on to make his equivalent to Michael’s Thriller, Beat it and Billie Jean moment with the films A Few Good Men, The Firm and Interview with a Vampire. He doesn’t stop there, after that hot streak he goes on to make Mission Impossible, Jerry Maguire, Eyes Wide Shut and Magnolia. Admittedly after Magnolia his luck ends – if there is anyone on this earth that likes Vanilla Sky, please contact me and let me know why. He does get back on track with the fantastic Minority Report ( a truly wonderful film), the underrated The Last Samurai and a film which keeps getting better with every watch, Collateral.

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Collateral is one of the most interesting films in Cruise’s catalogue. It once again shatters the perception that Cruise has one gear as an actor and never takes risks. Like Interview with a Vampire and Magnolia and to a certain extent Rock of Ages, Collateral sees Tom Cruise play against type and to frightening effect.

I am genuinely scared of Cruise’s Vincent and that is a great compliment to an actor who I know is shorter than me and isn’t that physically imposing. You watch that film expecting Mr Cruise to be as charming and charismatic as always, which he is but it is soured by a neck chilling menace which never escapes you from the moment he’s on screen to the moment he takes his last train ride.

I think there is a deep intelligence to his role in Collateral. It is one thing to play a villainous vampire with a cake load of make up on your face and fake teeth, but to convince a world that knows you as the all-conquering hero and Mr Action Man that you are a bad motherf**ker takes a very talented actor indeed. Not many high status leading men in Hollywood can do it – Will Smith, for example, hasn’t showed nearly as much versatility as Cruise.

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Do I think Tom Cruise is nuts? Maybe, 
but he’s religious, being nuts comes with the territory? I can’t prove any of the crazy ass stories about his personal life and truth be told, I don’t care. All I know is that Tom Cruise is one of the greatest actors of my life time. I know that to be fact.


Tom Cruise has shown breath taking consistency as an actor, consistency that only few working actors share. A Few Good Men, Collateral and especially Minority Report are some of my favourite films of all time and Cruise was a big reason why I enjoyed those films.

It took the death of Michael Jackson for people to look at his work and ignore his personal life. What people found was, despite his quirkiness (mildly putting it), Jackson was a genius. I hope it doesn't take such an extreme event for people to see the same in Tom Cruise.


                     Mission Bear

Headhunters is the Sh*t

I remember when the Norwegian film Headhunters (Hodejegerne) was playing at the cinema and everyone was raving about it. Everything Scandinavian was the rage at that time and for one specific reason I ignored Headhunters – it looked boring.

I have never seen a more boring trailer than the one for Headhunters. It looked generic and in my opinion, lifeless. Even when I read reviews about Headhunters it sounded boring (which bodes well for this one) and I damn near struggled to stay awake when people talked about the film. Well I made a pretty big mistake.

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Simply put, Headhunters is a chase-thriller film in the same vein as your Terminator films. Instead of Arnie, you get the ex-military business man Clas Greve (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau of Game of Thrones fame) going after a weasel of a man and the star of the show Aksel Hennie’s Roger Brown.

The real genius of this film is Hennie – how on earth I end up feeling sorry and rooting for Brown at the end of this film I will never know. Witch-craft is the only explanation.

Roger Brown is… where do I start. Roger Brown is a corporate headhunter by trade who appears to be very well off thanks to a supposed inheritance from his grandmother (or some relative). Roger Brown is married to the ridiculously beautiful Diana (Synnøve Macody Lund), a woman who is desperate to have his babies – something Roger is against from some stupid reason. Roger Brown also moonlights as an art thief, a pretty good and sophisticated one at that – so good he has the nation’s best detective after him. Finally, and most importantly, Roger Brown is a liar and Headhunters is about all of his lies coming back to haunt him.

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What I find most fascinating about this film is not the action scenes or the shit (you know what I’m talking about when you’ve seen it) but the psychological make up of Roger Brown. As a vertically challenged man myself (although, a bloody handsome one at that) with a stunning woman by my side, you can’t help but feel insecure when a chiseled SOB like Clas comes along. Headhunters, at its heart, is about Brown’s insecurities as a man – he doesn’t feel like he is man enough to have a wife like Diana so he creates a false reality for himself. When Clas comes along, it isn’t the opportunity he represents financially that most affects Roger, it’s what he represents as a man. Clas is genuinely successful , taller than Roger and good looking – It’s fascinating to watch Roger dealing with his inner demons.

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Headhunters is a brilliant film – a truly great thriller. I spent a lot of my time “oohh”-ing and “ahh” –ing and “no ways”-ing throughout the film. That is a big deal for me, for too long I have felt numb to the thriller-genre in films and it takes quite a bit to impress me - Headhunters did that.

Headhunters is also the first foreign film which I would love to be adapted. For some reason I think Headhunters could translate very well to an English/American audience. I think it’s message of masculinity is an important one that should be heard. 



Oh. And I dare you to watch THAT scene without gagging.

                          Chocolate Teddy Bear

500 Days (of brutal Summer)

When the film finished, my missus couldn’t wait to tell me how much she hated it. “It was sad. Why did you make me watch that for?”

That was the second time I watched Marc Webb’s film in a 24 hour period. I was so excited about what I had just experienced that I forced the film on my uber-romantic woman. I felt, and I still feel, that 500 Days of Summer is special. Not since Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind have I seen a film that portrays heartbreak in a way that I can relate to. 500 Days doesn’t tell the story of the sanitised, Hollywood heartbreak where there is a silver lining – it tells the tale of a woman who rips a man’s heart out and gangster leans her way out of his life. This is that real life, kick you in the nuts heartbreak – the sort of heartbreak that stays with you and will probably linger in your soul until your last breathe escapes you.

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500 Days tells two stories – one about the relationship of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Tom and Zooey Deschanel’s Summer – and the second one about how Tom handles their break up.

I’ll be honest, this dynamic, the man in pieces over a relationship falling apart interested me the most because you rarely see it in mainstream cinema. There is nothing stereotypically masculine about Tom, he’s a mess from the start and my every being wanted to mock him, I wanted to tell him to man up. I wanted to recite a number of offensive Snoop Dogg and Dr Dre lyrics (“You can’t make a hoe a housewife” seemed appropriate) but the problem is I saw a lot of real world examples in his character. I’ve had to nurse my best friend out of a heartbreak and that wasn’t pretty – we laugh about it now but at that time it was bleak. Shit, I’ve had to recover from such a situation myself.

You come out of those situations hardened and unwilling to open up and admit that you're weak and fallible  You see that in Tom near the end of the film. This fucked me up because it not only reminded me of how dangerous women are (you’re all lethal ladies) but it also reminded me of how vulnerable men can be – it reminded me of a time when I was at my weakest.

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Importantly, there is a strong 

willed, beautiful and intelligent woman at the heart of this film. Annoyingly, Deschanel’s Summer does nothing wrong in this movie. I spent the majority of my first viewing trying to find the hoe in Summer but there was none to be found.  Summer tells Tom exactly what she wants from a relationship and Tom ignores her.

The park bench scene near the end of the film is one of the most brutal things I have ever seen on screen in my life - as violent and as merciless as a gory thriller. After getting his life back in order, Tom sees the person that bombed it pieces in the first place and when he tells her that she was right not to believe in true love, what does Summer say? To paraphrase: “When I first saw my husband I knew (he was the one) what I wasn’t sure of with you”. Brutal. It hurt me deep.

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So the question I kept asking after watching 500 Days was: do I consider Tom to be a man? Not biologically speaking, of course, but do I consider him to be representative of how a man should behave in such a situation? This may sound like a stupid, offensive and un-PC question, but you have to remember I am a product of a Christian African background with a dollop of Dr Dre’s Hip-Hop splashing somewhere in the melting pot.

I think Tom is a man. We expect women to carry the majority of the emotional baggage in depictions of relationship turmoil but what this film has reminded me is that times have changed. I could say that this film is important for how it presents women, but I think it is equally as important for how it portrays men. It is stunning in the way it shows our kind as completely weak and emotionally crippled beings - it's actually refreshing to see. Tom is what he is – a shattered man – and that’s ok.

                    Down and Out Chocolate

My Uncharted film cast

The very best pieces of pop-culture transcend their respective fields. Michael Jackson’s Thriller isn’t just a pop album, The Godfather isn’t just a gangster film and The Wire isn’t just a cop television programme – they are so much more.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is, to my mind, the greatest video game of all time and deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as the above. It is more than just a game and like all great pieces of pop-culture it attracts an audience base that isn’t usually susceptible to the medium.

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I was not allowed, I repeat, I was not ALLOWED to play through Uncharted 2 without my other half in the room. She wanted to watch the game. Now this is the first time I have ever encountered anything like this.

My girl, who previously showed no interest in gaming, became emotionally invested in the characters Naughty Dog created. She gasped when I gasped at the surprise quick-time moments and was on the edge of her seat (and wouldn't shut up) during the games jaw dropping set-pieces.

I have played 'cinematic' video-games before but this was the first time I didn't have to point out to non-gamers why the said game was fantastic. They could see it with their own eyes - they wanted to watch a 10 hours plus game.

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This got me thinking, could Uncharted do for video-games what Batman and Superman did for comics? Could Uncharted be the source material that finally translates to a gre... no lets just stick with good... to a good film.


The main characters are more than strong enough to work on the big screen and their relationships are captivating enough to warrant a full blown movie. 

I don't accept the point that Uncharted movies would be Indiana Jones rip-offs, I think Drake and co would be able to forge their own unique silver-screen legend if given the chance.

But who would play the main four characters of Nathan, Elena, Sully and Chloe? Well here are my suggestions:

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Chloe Frazer

Chloe is a character who is more than capable of looking after herself in the merky world of treasure hunting. There are three actresses who I'd love to see take on this role: Rose Byrne who was very good in X-Men: First Class, I think she could make a lot of hay with the character; Jessica Alba who I think can bring the relative attitude needed for this character to work. 

But the person who I'd love most to play Chloe is Rosario Dawson. Ms Dawson has the acting chops and the much needed badassness to make this character her own. I've seen her recently in Trance and I loved her in Sin City - Rosario is no joke people.



Victor "Sully" Sullivan 

This one is hard for me. Sully is one hell of a character, get him wrong and you could ruin the whole dynamic of the Uncharted world. He is a father figure to Drake and he does have something that resembles a moral code but he is also a very shady character who was difficult to trust in the first two games of the Uncharted world.

Here are the three actors who I think would do a good job. Robert De Niro - now this maybe pure fantasy but I think he'd make an amazing Sully. You don't have to even question whether he has it in him to straddle between the lines of good and bad - we've seen him do it throughout his career.

Another actor who could make a good Sully is Jeff Bridges. The character he created in the first Iron Man movie, Obadia Stane, is pretty much Sully - only this time he wouldn't be stabbing his protege in the back. I also think Bridges would be able to pull off the comedy relief role very well.

My number one choice to 
play Sully is George Clooney. I think the man has the effortless charm to more than pull off this character. And that is the most important thing about Sully, he is charming and suave.  This is why he keeps getting out of what seems to be lose-lose situations.


Elena Fisher

So, who can play the naive field reporter who grows to be wary and tough. Amy Adams could do it simply because I'm head-over-heels in love with her and she's already played a similar character in Man of Steel.


Another good choice would be Emily Rose who voices Elena in the game. She more than looks the part.

My number one choice to play Elena is Kaley Cuoco. Yeh, don't dismiss her I think she has done more than just be the eye candy on The Big Bang Theory. She has shown tremendous range, comedic timing and importantly toughness. She'd make a great Elena.



Nathan Drake 

So this one is really hard and has been much discussed in the geekverse. Nathan Fillion and David Boreanaz are the two actors that keep cropping up and I always shrug. I personally think that people are not thinking big enough, with all due respect to Nathan and David.

I only have two choices for Drake and I genuinely don't know which I prefer - Michael Fassbender and Ryan Gosling. Two very different (looking) actors but actors that can bring something compelling and real to the character of Nathan Drake.

Here is the thing, I have always thought of Drake as a morally ambiguous protagonist. In fact, at times, I don't look at him as an antagonist at all. I have heard very strong arguments made that Drake is a villain and a mass murderer. But he is a charming son-of-a gun. That is why he is different to Indiana Jones.


 I think there is a lot of complexity to Drake which only an actor at the top of their game could explore. I cannot think of two better than Michael and Ryan.

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I have tried to not speak much about anything important within Uncharted 2, or the Uncharted world in general. I would hate to spoil this fantastic and unique video-game series for anybody.


Chocolate Dive

Ode to Dolores Umbridge

I love villains in movies and literature. I have always thought a bad guy says a lot about a film’s protagonist and to a certain extent that film’s writers and directors. A poor villain can render a story meaningless in my eye.

I don’t think the Harry Potter series, book or film, gets a proper bonafide superstar villain until Dolores Umbridge strolls into town with her cats and her pink outfit. Now don’t get me wrong, I think Snape, the Dursley and Wormtail are note-worthy, but it was only until this pint-size puff of pink evil comes along when I realised how lacking those other villains were.

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Order of the Phoenix is my least favourite Harry Potter book. It’s the book that I found hardest to get through and I just didn’t think it was as enjoyable as the rest. One of the biggest reasons for this was Dolores Umbridge – she just rubbed me the wrong way. 

I found Dolores Umbridge a lot more unsettling that the chief big-bad, Voldemort. Her main goal wasn't the stereotypical 'rule the world' arch; her main ambition was to suppress the soul in order to achieve conformity from young people. To Umbridge creativity, curiosity and resourcefulness in a student are a sin and this makes me shudder. The extent to which she goes about draining those sins away from students was just horrific to read.

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Conversely, watching Dolores Umbridge in the film version of Order of the Pheonix is a joy and all of the credit for that goes to Imelda Staunton who is beyond brilliant in this movie. I have to say it again, she is bloody brilliant in Order of the Phoenix.    

Now the fact that I couldn’t stand to read Phoenix because of Umbridge isn’t a slight on Rowling, in my opinion it is a compliment but what Imelda does to that character is root her in the real world.

Back when I was in secondary school there was a group of friends who were so nasty and were such bullies but they walked around like their shit didn’t stink. They were so far up the teachers’ ass and got away with causing so much chaos that it is incredible to think about it now so many years on. What made them insufferable for me was how they interacted with people, especially the folks they bullied – they used charm and sweetness. They were super nice on the surface – all Ps and Qs and smiles and kisses and high pitched greetings (think Alicia Silverstone’s Clueless). Pure fakeness.

Now I have seen this type of fakeness in a more subtly form within the work place but Imelda’s take on Umbridge brings back the anger that I had for those unique bullies back in school. Staunton got under my skin (see what I did there) so much that I forgot that it was an actor playing a character and believed Dolores to be an actual person. When an actor can make you feel-it-in-your-gut then they have done a remarkable thing.

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By the end of the film I wanted Umbridge to suffer. I felt the same loathing that Harry and co felt and I realised that I haven’t come close to feeling the same way about Voldemort – not in the films anyway.  Umbridge, in one film, shows more menace, ability to cause horror and gave me more of a sense of dread than Voldemort does in the whole series. I mean no disrespect to Ralph Fiennes who I feel does a good job but I think what Umbridge shows is how woefully underdeveloped the big V is.

When the horsey human creatures get a hold of Umbridge in the end of Phoenix  I wanted them to rip her to pieces – I wanted to see blood everywhere. Tarantino style. The fact that I feel that way about a children’s film is the biggest compliment I can pay Imelda Staunton and The Order of the Phoenix. She is nothing short of a wonder in this film.

              The High Chocolate Professor, TeddyBear